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Always by moony4ever [Reviews - 1]
Always The sky was clouded and gave the world the look oft sadness and loneliness but nobody seemed to care. People were laughing in the streets, dancing, hugging each other and kissing one another because IT was over. Seven day ago the Dark Lord fell, they were free. Even the Muggels felt the dark force of the war had been taken away. It was easier to laugh again. But not everyone felt this way. When the raindrops began to fall a thin figure was walking on the green grass between the gravestones. The eyes of the woman were closed, she had walked along this path very often, to often. She knew it by heart. It began to rain heavily and the black hairs of the woman were pressed against her face, she didn’t care. In here hand she hold a letter, very tightly, not willing to let it go, she tumbled, her long wet coat was heavy, she didn’t feel it. She felt nothing, nothing at all except the cold, she was naked and alone with no one beside her. She was without HIM. The woman paused for a moment, slowly she opened her swollen eyes. If there had been anyone to look in those eyes, it would have broken his heart. Her eyes were sunken with black circles underneath them. They were red, as if the woman had been crying. She looked around and then she continued to walk until she reached the very end of the graveyard. There was a grave, it was fresh, the earth was still loose, the flowers were still good, the wreaths not dirty. For a second she just looked at it, like frozen, then with a scream of pain she felt on her knees. Her whole body was shaking and her cold fingers gently touched the letters on the stone In Memory and Love of Remus John Lupin “Moony” (Order of the Merlin 1. Class) 1960-1998 Dearest Friend, Marauder, Teacher And Men Fallen fighting the Dark Lord Flashback Remus Lupin watched Molly and Fleur hugging each other, he didn’t feel well, knowing to well that seconds ago all eyes were upon him. He muttered some excuse and made his way out. He had to be alone, just for some minutes. Tonks watched him leave, her eyes were filled with tears. She never cried in front of people, but at the moment she didn’t care, about nothing. Without a word she left too, following Remus out of the castle. She saw him standing near the lake and walked to him slowly. She was fed up, she was tired and hurt. She would make an end to it, no matter how. The one way or the other. Now, here. „Remus?“ He flinched and turned around, to her horror there were tears shining in his eyes. He never cried. He looked at her, just looked and didn’t say a word. The tears said it all. She could only see those breathtaking eyes of him, the beautiful grey color. Those eyes which she loved that much but which she also hated. He could hide his feelings, could smile und joke even when he was crying inside, but his eyes never lied. In them Tonks could see all the pain, the sorrow, the disappointment and the worries. She hated the thought of all these thing this wonderful man had to go through but still...he never had cried. Werewolves don’t cry, that’s what he had told her once. And here he was standing, crying like anyone else. She could do anything else but ran to him and take him into her arms hugging him like her life would depend on it. She couldn’t tell how long they were standing there, just crying into each other, about everything. About Lily and James, about Sirius, about Peter, about Dumbledore. But she knew it was the right thing to do, she knew he needed it. And it was then, when she realized, she would never fell that much again for anyone else. Slowly they parted, his eyes were red and he looked ashamed. „I’m sorry.“ He whispered and turned away from her. „For what? What is it you are sorry for? Are you sorry for doing what every normal person would do too? Are you sorry for showing me how you feel?“ She asked him angrily. „I’m sorry to border you with my problems, I guess you have to much anyway.“ He clearly tried to avoid her gaze. „Damn it Remus! During the last two years you have been the one, always comforting everyone. You have the right to be comforted as well, and don’t even think about thinking it would bore me. You know it’s not true.“ He didn’t response, just looked out on the lake again. She walked to his side gently touching his arm. He felt back. „They’re all gone.“ His voice was nothing more than a whisper, „James, Sirius, Lily, all dead and Peter... well, the Peter I have known is lost. I have no idea whether I would have made it without Albus. He always trusted me, he understood. I could always depend on him; always depend on the fact that he was here...for me. They’ve been everything I ever had. I have no idea what I’m still doing here.“ Tonks was shocked, he had never talked to her like that, without theses walls he liked so much. Depressed, she remembered the young werewolf a year ago, he had killed himself. That night she was lying awake, crying, thinking about Remus doing something like that. She could bare anything but his death. „We need you Remus. You can’t give up now. We have to beat You-know...Voldemort. You are one of the rare wizards who could actually fight him.“ She looked at him with pleading eyes. „And afterwards?“ For the first time he looked her straight into the eyes „What happens if we, against all hope, win? What happened if Harry defeats Voldemort and survives? There’s nothing on this world I wish more for, but I’m afraid of the moment I have to realize, there’s nothing there for me to live for anymore.“ „You have Harry. Harry needs you; you are the closest thing he has to a father. He loves you.“ „Harry will be an adult himself in one years time, he doesn’t need a...a Werewolf to pretend to be his father, he needed James, he needed Sirius but he never needed me but still, I’m the one alive. I’m the last of them and deserved it the last.“ „That’s not true! You deserve it. Harry needs you, why the hell do you think no one on this planet likes you because you ...you have a little problem. We all love you, we need you but you won’t let anyone get close to you.“ Hissed Tonks. „Yes, because every time I did, they died!“ He was almost screaming, she had never heard him screaming. „So that’s what you want, don’t you? To die? You take the easy way. Instead of being strong and fight you give up.“ „I’ve tried to be strong my hole life long, despite all deaths, despite all the discrimination, despite the pain, despite…I have no idea how much a man can take. I never would have thought I could stand what I have, but I don’t know if I can bare more. I’m not strong. I never was.“ He, again, looked at the lake. „Do it for me.“ Whispered Tonks „Please, be strong for me. I don’t know waht I would do if you weren’t here anymore.“ He sighted. „Tonks, it’s...it’s…stupid holding onto someone who...who is like me and it’s especially stupid to tell yourself that you’re...“ he laughed dryly „in love with me.“ „Oh, you think I’m just imagine it. Remus John Lupin I love you since I was eight, don’t tell me it would be a stupid crush, `cause it isn’t. I am a grown woman and I know fucking well what I feel. I am in love with you.“ „Tonks...“ He started. „No, know you’re gonna listen to what I am about to say. I’m sorry for what I did inside there but I just can’t hold on much longer. Since the day you were standing on my doorstep, bleeding, almost torn into two pieces you are running away from me. I told you how I feel and you avoid me, I told you I’m in love with you and you refuse to talk to me. I can’t anymore because it’s breaking my heart, I can’t anymore because I can’t sleep, I can’t anymore because... because I love you. I want to end it know. Just tell me, do you love me or do you not?“ Tonks gazed at him, she knew she had been screaming but now she didn’t care anymore. He looked at her, turn his head towards the forest and spoke very slowly and clearly. „I do not love you Nymphadora.“ Tonks felt the tears starting to fall. „Look at me!“ She commanded with her breaking voice. With some effort he turned to face her. „I do...I. Good damn it Dora, you know pretty well I can’t.“ He turned away very quickly, Tonks heart started to beat again. „So...actually you are in love with me?“ She couldn’t remember ever praying that hard before in her hole life. „You know this, don’t you? How could I not love you? I’ve loved you from the very first moment I saw you, when you were tripping over that umbrella stand.“ He stood in front of her and touched her face with his hand. „I love you Nymphadora Tonks, but we’ll never be together.“ Tonks had never heard more beautiful words than his. He loves her, the only thing she had to do now was to make him behave like it. „Why not?“ „Oh god, I’m...“ „Yeah, yeah, I know!“ She interrupted „Too old, to poor, to dangerous. I’ve told you about a millionfivethousandninehundredthirty times: I DON’T CARE, I LOVE YOU!“ She had gapped his hand, begging him to understand. „Maybe you don’t care, but I do!“ He spoke very quietly, moving his hands away. „Alright,“ Tonks said very clearly, Remus looked at her in surprise „let’s go through this! First of all you think you are too old. My god what are 13 years? The father of my friend is 10 years older than his wife. Do you really think this matters to me? Be honest, would it even matter to you if you wouldn’t be a werewolf? I love you and nothing; especially not your age can change this fact. I was always more interessted in the older ones. This here is about character and about nothing else. I would even love you if you were a wrinkled, 103 years old Flubberworm-Breeder. Well...of course I would have to change the Flubberworm-thing...“ She stopped and noticed to her relief the small smile playing on Remus’ lips. „Secondly: You believe I don’t love you because you don’t have any money. If I would have wanted someone riche, I wouldn’t be here at the moment, I would be lying in the arms of Lucius Malfoy and thinking about my bastard of son.“ Remus started to smile, Tonks was very pleased with herself. „It’s because...“ He began again but again she did interrupt. „Because you don’t want to depend on someone. I know that. First of all, you should put away your silly pride, I earn enough for both of us and as soon as V…Voldemort is gone, everyone will want to change the law. I can already see you as the future headmaster of Hogwarts. Let’s move on to point three on today’s list,“ She continued objective „too dangerous. I will never underestimate the dangers of a werewolf, you should know this. You should also know that I own my very own werewolf-library. I know what I’m getting myself into. Your are a master of self-control; you would never hurt me in your human shape. And during the full moon...I mean, you can take your potion and I will leave. Believe me, I wouldn’t even give you the chance of hurting me.“ She smiled. „Snape.“ He said the name with such hatred, Tonks was shocked and flinched. „Snape was the one who made it. I could never live with the thought of having you hurt or even...even...you know.“ „We’ll find a way!“ She sounded were confident. „Dora, you have no idea what you are doing, we could never be normal.“ „Of course not, we are both special you know.“ She managed a very seducing smile. „I wasn’t talking ‚`bout that. We could never marry, never have children, never...“ „I know, I’ve read the laws. I don’t care! Nothing matters as long as I am by your side. Being married to you will never change the way I feel about you. Children, well you’ve got Harry. I know how much you love children, more than anyone else. Again, we’ll find a way.“ She promised him and for a second he wished he could believe it. He didn’t say a word, just looked at the ground. „Dora, it is not possible!“ „Why? Why not?“ She screamed „I’ve shown you clearly, we are going to find a way. Get it: I don’t fucking care that you are a werewolf. I love you!“ Tears began streaming down her face again. „I don’t want you to be unhappy.“ „Are you blind? How do I look at the moment.“ Tonks stood up infront of him „Look at me. Am I happy?“ „Albus...“ „No, it’s not because of Albus. I look like this since you’ve been gone. Gone to this mission which could cost your life. I look like that since you’ve turned away from me. I can change myself anymore, I can’t even retourn to my true face. I look like I am 10 years older, I’m crying every night, I can’t laugh, my Patronus has changed. Wanna know what it looks like.“ He starred at her. „It’s Moony. My Patronus looks like Moony. The last year was the worst I’ve ever had. And it only happened because you wanted to protect me. You wanted to protect me and you were to blind to notice how much you really hurt me. I just can hold on any longer. You turn away to safe me and break my heart by doing so. You are holding speeches about love and age and werewolves and you’re not able to hear me weeping. You are afraid I could get scars by a werewolf and by this you overlook the scars inside of me.“ „I have news for you: You have hurt me! You have hurt me more than any other person ever has! You have succeeded in making me worry about you. I’m dying of fear and you’re not even able to hug me if you finally return home. You have succeeded in creating a bundle of nerves! You have hurt me, I have got scars. But it’s this sort of scars you can’t see. And believe me, these are the worst. I love you Remus John Lupin. Nothing you can do or say will change a thing about it. I have loved you, I love you and I will always love you and no one else. It’s sad you can’t accepts this gift in time of war, but I won’t force you to do it.“ „If you like being unloved, if you like taking away each little piece of luck just because you think you don’t deserve it. Okay. Do it. I don’t fucking care! You are the best man, human being I had ever the pleasure to know, if there is one person on this planet who deserves to be happy, it’s you. But as I said, I won’t make you see it. I won’t make you notice that you can’t just turn off love like a lamp or something like that. Love is! I won’t force you to see that I am a grown woman and that I can decide on my own who I’m going to give my heart and with whom I want to spend the rest of my life. I won’t make you see that you can love and that you can BE loved. I won’t force you to understand that you mean the world to me. I won’t do it, and I suppose I can’t do it because you are the one, you are the one who has to destroy these walls you’re building around yourself to protect you. But in reality you are just afraid, you are afraid of being disappointed, because you’ve been it so many times. I accept this. I accept you don’t want me, or that you CAN’T in your opinion. I love you and I always will even though you have broken my heart about a million times. I DON’T CARE! I LOVE YOU REMUS JOHN LUPIN! Maybe you’re going to realize this in 50 years time; maybe you will realize what you’ve missed. Maybe you will realize that you have denied happiness to both of us, because I will never be able to love another man. Not after I know what it means to love you.“ See couldn’t see anymore because her whole face was covered with tears, she turned around a started to run towards the castle. She felt stupid and she knew that, if Remus hadn’t hated her before, he now certainly did. She thought she would never be able to look in those eyes again. Remus stood there, frozen. He was surprised, spellbound yes almost moved to tears. But the worst part was, he knew she was right. And he knew what to do next. „Tonks. Tonks! Wait! TONKS! NYMPHADORA!“ He ran to her and caught up with her near the entrance. He gapped her arm and turned her to face him. „Dora, I...“ He wasn’t, for the first time in his life, able find the right words. Tonks couldn’t look at him; she stared at her feet desperately. Suddenly she felt finger lift her chin. Slowly she lifted her head and looked directly into his eyes. „Dora, this was the most wonderful, beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.“ He whispered. Tonks didn’t answer; she hadn’t been this close to him for almost a year. She felt his hands on her back and couldn’t do anything but stare into those eyes. „I’m tired.“ He simply said. She smiled unsafely. „We all are, it’s been a long day, lot’s...“ „That’s not what I meant to say.“ He interrupted her and she starred at him in disbelieve. „I meant: I’m tired of acting like you weren’t anything more than a friend to me. I’m tired of forcing myself not to hug you the whole day long, I’m tired of looking for excuses to be near you, I’m tired of rejecting you and telling myself I don’t love you, because I do. Nymphadora I love you and I’m sorry if I have caused you pain, I never meant to. I love you.“ Tonks had no idea what to say, but even if she had known something, she wouldn’t have had the change to say it, Remus didn’t give her the chance to answer. He pulled her toward him and pressed his lips against hers. She had never been kissed this way before, it was more beautiful than she would have ever imagined. When his tongue parted her lips she couldn’t help but wrap her arms around his neck and response with the same passion. When he finally moved back, but only a much as necessary to breath, she smiled. „Wow!“ She whispered „If I had known this, I would have had my breakdown earlier.“ He laughed and it was the first time since Sirius had died. He kissed her forhead and stroke her hair out of her face. „You hair!“ He said quietly. „Which color?“ She asked and closed her eyes. „Pink, the vividest pink I have ever seen.“ He looked into her eyes, she was beaming and it came to him like a huge wave. How could he possible love this woman that much? He would never be able to love someone else this way. Pink was his new favorite color. When she looked into his eyes her heart stopped beating. All the walls of sadness and reserved ness were gone. She could still see pain but also love. Love like she had never seen it. She moved toward him to kiss him again and felt him smiling when her hand touched his golden hair. „Promise me, you’ll never leave me! Promise me, you’ll survive. For me.“ She whispered. „I promise you that I will never leave you, not in life and not in death. I will ALWAYS be beside you.“ And standing here, in times of war, Tonks knew she couldn’t be any happier. Flashback end It had stopped to rain, but the woman was still lying next to the cold stone. Her coat was splashed with mug and her hair full of dirt but she didn’t care. She didn’t care about her fingertips being red of blood because she had touched the letters so many times. She didn’t care about her fists which would soon be bloody too because she was beating the hard ground. She didn’t care about her teeth biting her lips. Nothing mattered anymore. Nothing had any kind of importance. Everything that had been important to her had died with this very man. He had sacrificed himself. He had gave his life to make it possible for all the others to live in peace again. He had given his life for a life without Voldemort. He had relinquished it. He had to relinquish something he had fought for his whole life long. The woman heard music from a house not to far away. Somewhere people where celebrating again. Somewhere am man and a woman were kissing each other, happy about Voldemorts fall. But she could never kiss him again, she couldn’t celebrate with him. She couldn’t visit Ginny’s and Hermione’s children with him. She would never wake up in the morning curled up in his arms. She would never see his eyes again. He could never hug her again after a she had had a bad day. She knew deep down in her heart that she could never love again. She had died with him. Flashback It was late in the evening in July, it was, as usual, too cold to be summer. One could feel Voldemorts power und the coming Final Battle. Tonks was sitting on her couch in her flat; Remus head was resting on her lap. Without his potion, the transformations were horrible; they had become even worse since the wolf could smell the blood, the death, the fear. He needed about two day to recover since June. She was afraid. He was so weak. She had told him to sleep, but she knew he couldn’t. With his watchful eyes he was starring deep into the fire. She gently looked at him and let her fingers glide through his hair. There was greyer in it, but it only made him look more attractive to her. He was marked, but she loved him. He lifted his hand and touched her gently. She saw him shaking and suppressed a whimper. She hated seeing him suffer. „I’m all right. Don’t worry about me.“ He had turned his head and was now looking at her, smiling. She bent over him and gently kissed his face. He always could tell what she was thinking about. He smiled this breathtaking smile of him, which was enough to nearly drive her crazy when the flames turned green. Minervas head appeared, she looked horrible. „Hogwarts – Voldemort – immediately – Har...nnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooo!“ Her head disappeared. Remus jumped to the fireplace, Tonks was right behind him. It was time. They stood in front of the fireplace, he pulled her to him and kissed her with a passion she had never felt before. „Look after you. I love you and will always be beside you!“ He stepped into the flames and raised his hand. „I love you too.“ Tonks said smiling. „Hogwarts.“ Remus disappeared. Tonks followed him quickly into the Final Battle. It was quiet in Minervas office; both hurried toward the great hall, there it started. Tonks closed her eyes as she saw Neville’s lifeless body lying next to a girl. She was nearly 12. Remus pressed her hand and entered the hall. Neither of them was prepared for what was going on, each deatheater and each member of the order was here, fighting. They were hopelessly outnumbered, even with the help of the aurors. Everywhere wizard were dueling, even pupils tried to defend themselves, but they were simply butchered. Remus saw Luna stumble over the body of Fred and falling to the ground. Malfoy killed her without even flinching. Bastard Remus thought that’s all you can do, kill children. The hall was filled with green light; Remus began to run, towards Malfoy. He noticed Harry, fighting Voldemort, Ron and Hermione together attacking McNair. „Look who’s here. The Werewolf.“ Malfoy hissed, „I hoped I’d be the one to slaughter you, you disgusting half-breed. Reducto!“ Remus blocked and began to attack by himself. Tonks joint Moody, united they fought their way through the deatheaters. „Is this my beloved niece?“ The cold voice of Tonk’s aunt made her flinch. Her face was nothing more than a grotesque face. „You fucking bitch!“ Cried Tonks attacking Bella. No one knew how long they fought, but slowly the order started to win. Lot’s of deatheaters fled. The ministry came with help and it didn’t look that bad anymore. But they all knew: Harry had to defeat Voldemort, or it was all over. She turned to Bellatrix again and cursed her, she blocked. Tonks was getting tired. Her head hurt and her arms were heavy. She heard voices around her, screams. Somewhere behind her Remus was shouting something. It all felt unreal. She was standing in the middle of her beloved school in between the corpses of pupils fighting her aunt. Remus saw Minerva fall and felt the tears in his eyes. Tonks had just tried to course her aunt; he was relieved she was still there. He didn’t risk turning away from Malfoy and wondered who long he had been here. He could see Voldemort hurl Harry against the wall and he knew he had to act. He blocked Malfoy course and concentrated on his hated enemy, Malfoy was good, but Remus knew he was better. With all his power he started to concentrate on one single spell and slowly formed the words in his mind IMPEDIMENTA. A red light hit Malfoy against his chest and he was thrown back against another wall. Remus was over him in a heartbeat. „Petrificus Totalus.“ He jelled and Malfoy collapsed. Hopping this was enough to finish him off, Remus turned around looking for Tonks. She was still fighting Bella, but seamed to make it. Moody was finishing of two and Ginny, Ron and Hermione had just defeated another deatheater. Kingsley was nowhere to be seen. And then Remus saw it. Voldemort raised his wand and pointed towards Harry. „EXPELLIARMUS!“ His cold voice cut the air; Harry wand flew out of his owners hand. Remus could hear the wood contacting the ground louder than normal. Again Voldemort raised his arm, Harry was lying on the ground, Remus ran. „HARRY!“ Tonks saw Remus running, she followed him with her eyes and saw Harry on the ground. She screamed when Bellas spell hit her, her body collapsed because of pain and she fell to the ground, unable to make a single movement. Her eyes were fixed on Remus. He ran; saw Voldemort opening his mouth to seal all their fates. Tonks fate. If Harry fell, it was all lost! „STUPFEY!“ Was all he could manage, well knowing it wouldn’t affect Voldemort, but maybe it would distract him. Voldemort felt it, he tumbled backwards and faced the werewolf, than Potter again. He had his wand again and was almost standing. He raise his wand and let al his hatred fill the last final curse which should put an end to Potters life. „AVADA KEDAVRA!“ Nothing could be heard but his voice, the fighting had stopped, all eyes were fixed on them as the green light made its way to his victim. Remus was almost next to Harry when he heard HIS voice, he saw the green light and knew what to do. He crapped Harry’s shoulders and pulled him behind his body. The last thing he saw was Tonks, lying on the ground screaming his name. Then the Light hit him and he felt a simplicity he had never felt before. Dora, I love you was the last thing he thought. Remus John Lupin was dead before he made contact with the ground. Nymphadora Tonks saw her love running towards Harry, but it was too late. The boy had his wand ready and was trying to get to his feet, but the Dark Lord had been faster. She heard the words, which meant death and all things around her seamed to vanish. It was over. It was all over! The green light was moving toward Harry like slow motion. No, not toward Harry. Tonks stopped to breath as she noticed that Remus was protecting the boy with his body. Their eyes meet when the light reached his chest. Remus eyes grew wide, broke and he fell. „REMUS! NO!“ Tonks didn’t care about Bella, she didn’t care about Harry or Voldemort. She didn’t hear Harry screaming out of anger and attacking Voldemort again. She noticed nothing. Like he couldn’t notice it. She tumbled through the hall, didn’t feel the pain. It was all over; she could only see him, his lifeless body. She couldn’t hear the cheering of her friends, not the scream of anger of the deatheaters, she could only hear his voice. I will always be beside you! She feel to the ground beside him, touched his face. It was so awful cold. „Remus, please, please don’t do this to me. I beg you. Please don’t. Don’t leave me and if you do, please take me with you. Please!“ She cried. She almost expected him to smile at her, take her into his arms and to tell her it was all going to be alright, but he didn’t. His eyes were staring into infinity and his mouth was slightly open, his hand tightly hold his wand. Voldemorts screams broke the silence, Harry had attacked him with his bare hands, the Dark Lord was, like in Harry’s first year, not able to be touched by him. Like Lily had done once, Remus protected Harry through death with his given life, the same magic like once was surrounding him. Harry raised his wand and with a final spell he killed his hated enemy without batting an eyelid. Tonks saw that the wounded were brought out of the castle, but she didn’t care about them. Everything was blurred; tears covered her painful face and trooped down on Remus forehead. This beautiful face, which would never smile again, to which she could never smile again. Slowly she bend over him, gently kissing his lips as if she could bring him back, but his lips were cold. She could taste blood and finally broke down screaming. Gently hands pulled her up. Strong arms brought her to her feet. She barley noticed Harry’s wet face when he hugged her. Harry said nothing, he didn’t need to and together they were standing over the dead body of Remus Lupin, Harry Potters teacher, friend, mentor and father, Nymphadora Tonks life, and cried. Meanwhile the celebrating began on the streets. The funeral three days later was the worst thing Tonks ever experienced. She had to witness the moment the coffin disappeared into the grave, and within this coffin was the one person she had loved the most. She couldn’t believe that her lover was lying in that fucking box, would be lying there forever. She hadn’t cried, she seamed to have spread all her tears already, she couldn’t anymore. Harry was sitting next to her, his hand closed around her own while his other arm was resting around Ginnys shoulder. Both were crying. Ron and Hermione were there to, sitting on her left hand side, holding each other silent tears streaming down their faces. The minister was making the obituary after the Order of the Merlin 1. class was given to Remus. He was the first werewolf ever to receive this honor. Tonks couldn’t help but be proud of him, if only he had knew. She sobbed. No, he would never knew it. She asked herself if all these people would have been here if Remus had died fighting Malfoy. Coldly she looked at them leaving. Some faces talked to her, saying things like: „He died to save our world. You must be so proud.“ „His life wasn’t wasted. He made HIM disappear.“ Molly offered to take her home but Tonks refused politely. She didn’t care what Remus had done, how many lives he had saved. Important, continuing, was only the fact that he was dead and there were no words, which could possibly ease her pain. Nothing to make it easier to say goodbye. „Tonks?“ Harry was the only one left. Tonks turned around slowly. „Tonks, I have no idea how you must been feeling, to lose him...I don’t know what I would do if I had lost Ginny, but I...I loved him to, you know. Like a father. If you...if you ever would want someone to talk...you know where I am...?“ His voice broke and he stroke her arm but Tonks didn’t answer, she had no idea what would come out of her mouth if she did. She just nodded. Harry looked at her, worries were in his eyes. Slowly he moved to the grave gently touching it. „Fare well Remus, thank you for everything.“ He whispered quietly, then he turned around and left, leaving behind a lost woman. She broke down and stayed on the graveyard for a very long time curled up next to his coffin. Flashback End The woman next to the cold stone stopped beating it with all her mighty. Her hands were red of blood, but she didn’t feel it, she couldn’t feel it. Neither pain nor anything else. She only felt this endless emptiness in herself. She looked at the letter in her hands. Harry, who had found it in Remus old things, had given it to her shortly after the funeral. She opened the envelope like she had done it about a million times during the last days. Insdie there was a piece of parchment, which she slowly pulled towards herself. She had always known his handwriting, it was unmistakable his. She traced along the letters with her fingers, blood could now bee seen on it. It was not easy to read it, because tears had made the ink sodden but she knew his words by heart, she didn’t need to read it. Slowly she squeezed the paper to her chest letting a heart-rending whimper escape from her very soul. Her eyes started to follow the letters. My beloved Nymphadora, Please forgive me for calling you by your first name, but you know I prefer it to Tonks. I think I’m right saying something has happened to me because you’re reading this very letter. I’ve written it shortly after Dumbledore had died and I was carrying it with me since this date in case something would happen. I’ve written it to you because I know how it feels to lose someone; I’m scared you could harm yourself once I’m not here anymore. There are so many things left unspoken which I wanted to tell you, so many things I wanted to do with you, so many wishes I had for our future but the on thing I wish most for is your happiness. I love you Dora, I have always and I will always. No matter where I am. In life and in addition to it. True love can’t be forced upon us but it’s also impossible to bring it to an end. Love is. As you have said once. Yes Dora, love is and nothing, absolutely nothing especially not such a ridiculous thing like death can destroy my love for you. I want you to mourn. Cry Dora! Crying is something very good (another thing you thought me) but don’t destroy your young life just because mine doesn’t exist anymore. I hope I died fighting, like the others: James, Lily, Sirius yes even Peter, you know I would have preferred this way of ending it. No war can be won without victims, no victory without pain, no peace without mourning and loses. I’m sure, no matter how much pain you feel, I didn’t gave my life away for nothing, no life, no death is for nothing, maybe unnecessary but never lost. There are thing in this world worth dying for. Now, here is what I want you to do: Dora I want you to live on. I don’t want my death to be yours too. I want you to keep on going on, I want you to live the life I can’t live anymore. As long as you keep on fighting a part of me will remain on this earth. I want you to continue fighting against Voldemort, like I have done. I want you to support Harry and to give him my old belongings from the marauders time. The rest may be yours, but I advice you to throw it away, to try to forget me. I don’t want you to stop living, to stop laughing and most of all, I don’t want you to stop loving. I want you to be the light and color of another mans life someday, like you’ve been to me. I want you to tell your grandchildren about uncle Harry when you are 90. I want you to be happy again. You have your own life, live it. I’m sorry, I hadn’t more time to tell you how much you mean to me. How much I love you. I trust in you to know it, I hope you could have seen it in my eyes. It’s my fault we couldn’t be together any longer, I regret it and I’m sorry. Nymphadora Tonks, you’ve been the light, color and love of my life, you gave my the strength to go on, you didn’t gave up on me instead you’ve given me the most wonderful time of my life. I will be grateful forever. I once promised you to be with you forever, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Nothing can separate us! Nothing can keep me from being beside you, nothing in this world or the next. Dora I will be beside you forever! ALWAYS! Love forever Remus The woman dropped the letter as she noticed new tears filling her eyes and splashing on the paper. She put it back into the envelope with her white, shaking hands, than she turned to face the tombstone. „You really believed you could just go away and leave me here alone, haven’t you? You though you could just clear off and leave me behind? You are...your were my life Remus J. Lupin and you’re not gonna leave me here alone, do you understand. We belong together, in this world or the next. If you go, I will too.“ The woman raised and pulled off her coat, gently she covered the ground with it. After sitting down on it she culred herself up to the gravestone with the name, which had meant her life. „We’ll be together forever Remus! Always!“ Whispered Nymphadora Tonks while raising her wand and pointing it at herself. Authors note: As I said, it’s my first ff in general and my first ff in English, too!!!!!!!! That means I starving for REVIEWS. So please, tell me what you think. Of the story or of my English (If there are any huge mistakes, please tell me!!!!) Bye and thanks for reading Moony (4ever) |
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